[As promised, here is Chapter 1 again, but this time time with some additions that come curtesy of Gemini Storybook.
...although, actually, as it turns out, in the end I borrowed very little from the Gemini Storybook version. Most of what Gemini Storybook wrote was just different enough from my story that the sentences didn't fit into my version. Of the sentences that I could steal, upon closer inspection, I decided that maybe they weren't all that great after all. They were a bit over-written--too heavy on adjectives, and unnatural words. In the end, I decided that in most cases, it would not be an improvement to import the Gemini Storybook version. (Which is not to say that there aren't flaws in my prose, just to say that upon closer inspection, having Gemini Storybook rewrite it was not the quick fix that I thought it would be.)
To the extent that this version differs from my earlier version of Chapter 1, most of that it just plain old-fashioned human editing. Upon rereading, I noticed that there were some bad sentences, and I revised them slightly.
Nevertheless, I did steal a couple of sentences from the Gemini Storybook version, and my philosophy is that if you're going to have AI assist with your writing at all, even a couple sentences, you should disclose it. So I'm adding a tag here for "contains AI additions".
I'll continue doing this with the other chapters. (If for no other reason then that this process gives me a good excuse to review my earlier chapters as I prepare to get back into the habit of daily writing.) But I guess at this point I won't expect Gemini Storybook to provide me with any massive revisions.]
Chapter 1: The Attack in the Night
It was the sounds of snarling and growling that woke them up.
They were all trained to be light sleepers. In the mountains, you had to be. You never knew when an attack would come at night.
At first, they lay still, hoping that the noises would go away. But then suddenly, there was a loud thud as some creature struck their door. “I smell humans inside,” it yelled. The creature pounded on the door several more times.
The door stood. It was made of strong wood. Behind the wood were several horizontal steel beams that reinforced the wood. And behind the door were two large boulders that they pushed into place every night before bed. The door would hold, at least for a while. And then…
They were all looking at each other. There was a faint flicker of light from the dying embers of the evening fire. In that faint light, Finn put his finger to his lips and motioned everyone to stay quiet. Then, as quietly as possible, Finn climbed out of bed. The others followed his example.
Finn grabbed his sword from where it hung on the wall. He took it out of its sheath. Carlyle took one of the axes from the wall. Margaret took one of the knives. Catherine took the crossbow, and pulled back the strings, and fitted an arrow.
The pounding on the door stopped. For a moment it was quiet.
“They’re looking for rocks,” Finn said quietly. “Stay ready.”
A couple minutes later, there was a crash of something colliding with the door. The wood cracked. The steel beams held. The two boulders kept the door in place.
Another crash as another huge rock collided with the door. Then another crash.
Pretty soon, the wood began to crack and break. And then, monstrous hands began to tear the broken wood away.
Then, one of the ogres stuck his face through a gap in the steel beams.
“Now,” Finn said. Catherine pressed the trigger on the crossbow. The bolt hissed through the air, finding its mark deep in the right eye of the ogre. The monster outside let out a harrowing shriek and immediately pulled his head back outside.
Catherine hurried to fit another arrow into the crossbow.
Another ogre put his arm in through the door. Finn raised his sword high and swung it down. The ogre’s arm came clean off.
There was a cry of rage from outside. “Now they’re really angry,” Margaret warned.
There was a pause, and then they could hear one of the ogres running towards the door at full speed. He crashed into the door, forcing the door from its hinges completely. The two boulders were now the only things holding the broken door in place, but they also wobbled from the force of the impact.
“The next one will be it,” said Finn. His voice was tense.
The ogre smashed into the door again. The door completely fell apart, and the boulders were knocked back. The light from the full moon came pouring into the cave.
A towering ogre, smelling of wet earth and ancient rot, ducked its massive head to enter the cramped space and roared like a lion. It lunged for Carlyle, its heavy stone club raised high to crush the life from the cabin's defenders.
Catherine’s heart was pounding fast. She could feel the adrenaline flowing through her. She raised the crossbow and fired an arrow at the ogre. The arrow hit the ogre in the neck, but as soon as Catherine had fired it off, the crossbow suddenly burst into flames while it was still in her hands. Catherine screamed out and dropped the crossbow on the ground. Margaret quickly threw a blanket over the crossbow and smothered the flames. Catherine looked over at Margaret. Margaret looked back at Catherine. Margaret could see that there was a question in Catherine’s eyes. “Not now,” Margaret said. “We need to deal with the ogres first.”
Meanwhile, the ogre that Catherine had shot was screaming in pain. He clawed at the arrow in his neck, trying to remove it. While the ogre was distracted, Finn leaped onto a heavy dining table, and swung his sword. The creature's massive head came clean off and rolled across the stone floor.
“Quick, out into the open,” Flinn said. “If we have to fight them, then let’s do it where we have room to swing our weapons.”
Flinn dashed out the door. Carlyle followed him. Fortunately, it was a full moon, so they could see the ogres clearly. There were five more ogres standing outside. They were big ugly things, covered in grayish blue skin.
One of them roared, and charged towards Finn. Finn thrust his sword right into the ogre’s chest, killing it instantly.
Another ogre charged at Carlyle. Carlyle hacked at the ogre with his ax to try to keep it at bay. Flinn quickly came to Carlyle’s aid, swung his sword and with one stroke cut the ogre’s head clean off.
Margaret and Catherine followed them outside. Margaret was now carrying the crossbow. It was a little bit singed, but still functioning. Margaret fit an arrow into the crossbow and fired it at one of the ogres. It went right into the ogre’s chest, but didn’t go deep enough to kill it. (Ogre’s have very tough skin.) But it still caused the ogre to cry out in pain. The ogre charged towards Margaret, but once again, Finn swung his sword quickly, and cut off the ogre’s head.
It was at this point that the remaining two ogres decided to flee.
Finn collapsed to the ground in exhaustion.
“It’s over,” said Margaret.
“For now,” Finn said, panting.
“I don’t think they’ll be back tonight,” Margaret said.
Finn stood up slowly. His joints ached. “I’m getting too old for this,” he said.
“Just a few more years,” Margaret said. “You did good tonight, Finn.”
“The door is completely shattered,” Finn moaned.
“We can fix it,” Margaret said. “We’ve got plenty of extra wood planks still in the cave. And the iron bars are still in good condition. But we should get inside soon. Aefar and the other vampires hunt at night. And the wolves. The scent of blood will draw them all.”
“Yes,” Finn agreed. “Let’s get back inside, before anything else shows up.”
“We can barricade the entrance with the table,” Margaret said. “The wood is strong, and if we turn the table on its side, it’ll more than cover the doorway. And we still have those two boulders we can use to reinforce it.”
“Good idea,” said Finn. “I don’t think the ogres will be back tonight anyway, but that table will stop anything else that might want to get inside.”
A howling sound pierced the cold night air. They all looked at each other.
“The wolves!” Carlyle said.
“They’re still a ways off,” said Finn. “Come on, hurry. Let’s get that table in place!”
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