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2. Finn Departs
12. The Meetings
Tuesday, August 31, 2021
Chapter Index First Draft
Chapter Summaries and Character Index First Draft
Chapter | Summary | First Appearances | Issues |
Finn chops down trees with Catherine and Carlyle | Finn, Catherine, Carlyle, Margaret, Jack (mentioned) Alfred (mentioned) | --Finn’s appearance is described, but not Catherine or Carlyle. Should I put that in here, or wait for later chapters? --Catherine is portrayed as having loner tendencies here, and Carlyle is loyal to the group. Is this going to conflict with her being the more strategic one? --In later chapters, does the cold and snow get dropped? Should I delete the cold and snow parts? --Need to later connect what kind of monsters were outside their house -- --There’s no chimney in this house. Do they need to make a fire sometimes for the cold? | |
Catherine, Carlyle and Finn eat lunch. Alfred and Brian arrives, and Finn departs with Brian. | Brian, Alfred (appears) | --What is it that the robber’s steal from the bears? --Actually, in this fantasy economy, why would anyone want to steal anyway? --I need to figure out a better way to describe the difference between Brian’s sword and Finn’s sword. | |
Alfred talks with Carlyle and Catherine. Catherine and Alfred fight, and Catherine accidentally burns Alfred | Lucas (mentioned), Kevin (mentioned) | --Still need to describe Carlyle’s appearance --I was originally thinking it would be better to tease Catherine’s powers gradually, but then I went ahead and revealed them. Would it be better to tease this gradually? | |
Margaret heals Alfred using her herbs and roots. Carlyle reads about “The Age of Monsters” from the book | Themales, Cathandres, Stetheus, Menpha, Lieria, Scathia, Perexa, Servitus, Rasius, Cathandres (all of these are mentioned only) | --I need to go back and make the door consistent. Is there a bolt? A latch? . | |
Part 1: Catherine, Carlyle and Alfred go to meet their friends Part 2: Catherine journeys to the witch’s Coven, but they won’t help her. Catherine also saves a Raven named Branoc | Lucas (appears), Kevin (appears), Marcus, Paul, and Shawn, Stella, Gabrielle, Lucinda, Molly, Abby, Branoc | --At this point, I’ve pretty much gotten rid of any mystery surrounding Catherine. There was another version of this story in my head where Catherine’s abilities are only gradually teased | |
Catherine returns and heads home with Carlyle and Alfred, who unsuccessfully try to get her to divulge where she has been. To calm everyone down, Margaret has them read more of the book | --I need to decide how I’m going to capitilze the ages. Is it “The Age of the Gods” or “the Age of the Gods”. (I think I’ll go for the former. This will mean I should go back and look at the previous draft again.) --I could probably cut this whole chapter, and not lose too much in the way of the plot. Do I really need this chapter? --I could also make it longer, if I talked more about the battles between the gods and the sea-monsters. Do I want to make it longer? --The beginning (where the group is breaking up, and Alfred and Carlyle are going home) could also be expanded | ||
Brian returns alone, and reveals that Finn has been killed. Catherine, Carlyle and Alfred run out to get Finn’s body, and bring it back home. | --Brian surviving the robber’s attack, and then just walking up to the house, doesn’t quite work. But at the moment I can’t figure out what else I want to do, so I’m just going to have to leave it in here. --Now that I’ve expanded on what this herb does, at some point not I’m going to have to explain what it is, and why it affects magic like this | ||
Finn’s body is burned on the Funeral pyre. Brian tells the story of how Finn was killed by the robbers. They discuss about the lost supplies and whether or not it’s feasible to make another trip down the mountain | --I wrote a lot of this while sleep deprived. The basic outline of what I want to happen is there, but the prose is not. Need to rewrite --Go back and set up that Brian is a really fast runner? --I need to spend more time figuring out exactly what supplies Brian and Finn were carrying up. I’ve got food and iron, but what else did they need? --Ideally, there would be something more irreplaceable that the robbers stole. Some reason why they can’t just chop down more trees and go back again --I need to make it clear from the beginning that the “mountain road” is just a path that is called the mountain road --Check earlier chapters to make sure that there’s no mention of swords inside the house. --Margaret says that the robbers are getting more desperate. I’m going to have to make sure I follow this up later to say why. (Or delete it, if I can’t think of a reason. --I’m not sure it’s consistent for Brian to be both badly wounded, and having outran the robbers. Maybe I need to change one or the other --This may be too short to be a full chapter on its own. Maybe I should combine it with Chapter 7 to make one long chapter? --Another option would be to expand the ending, and do more about the section from the book that they read at the end. This would be an option if I’m looking to expand the mythology of the world more | ||
Robbers attack the house, but are fought off. Catherine burns one of them up using her magic, and discovers that she enjoys the feeling. | Zed | Obviously this is the inciting incident in the story. But it’s a bit muddled now. Originally, I was planning to have the robbers attack the house. But I changed that because it didn’t seem that the house was worth robbing. So then I had the robbers kill Finn on the way up the mountain, and the plan was that this would incite Carlyle to try to get revenge on the robbers. But then I changed that because it didn’t feel like realistic emotion for Carlyle to run out of the house and attack. So now I’m back to having the robbers attack the house. But, this means I now have two inciting incidents--Finn being killed, and the house being attacked. Maybe in the rewrite I can clean this up so that there’s only one inciting incident? Or does it work better this way? --I really need to go back and make sure that the door is unlocked and open in a consistent way in all the chapters. --the vagueness of Brian’s injury is now a problem. What is the injury exactly? How badly hurt is he? How could he escape from the robbers? --Explain how Carlyle (and Catherine) learned to use the sword --Go back and make the weapons consistent --Go back and made consistent how the door opens. Swinging (on some sort of hinges?) that swings back? Possibly check this against how ancient doors worked back in the day? --go back and set up why the crossbow is cumbersome to load, and why it cannot be kept loaded. Also set up that crossbow is hanging from the wall | |
Carlyle and Alfred go to get help from the group. Catherine goes to get help from the wolves. | |||
Carlyle, Alfred and the group battle the robbers. Catherine arrives with the wolves. | Baldrick | At some point, I really need to map out where everything is on this mountain, and then work that spatial awareness into my chapters. I’m not sure it’s clear in this chapter where everyone is coming from or going to, or how far things are apart. “the group” feels a bit strange here. They should probably be introduced a bit more fully before this chapter. “that old song that Finn used to whistle ” has been mentioned twice now. I should go back in the early chapters, and establish at least one instance of Finn actually whistling it | |
Part 1: Catherine meets with the wolves, and re-establishes her control over them. Part 2: The group meets. Carlyle wants to kill all the robbers, but Catherine insists that the robbers can be controlled and subdued | Balsamer | --if I make explicit that Zed was the one responsible for killing Finn, then that would help to solve the problem of avenging. --I dropped Alfred’s storyline here. I should add a couple lines about him and his father’s relationship | |
Part 1: The robbers Fraisaale and Blocare talk, before they are subdued by the group Part 2: The group attacks the robbers, and the robbers surrender | Bettina, Cap, Fraisale, Blocare, Verus | --If the “robber king” is going to be a thing, then I need to set him up in previous chapters | |
Catherine and Alfred decides to sleep in the robbers cave with some of the gang. Carlyle journeys back home, where he encounters a furious Brian, and a tearful Margaret | --It may make more sense to change this, so that only Alfred stays behind with Catherine. | ||
Part 1: Catherine and Alfred discuss where to sleep for the night Part 2: Alfred is carried off by Goblins in the night Part 3: Alfred wakes up in the Goblin caves and meets Jack | Jack (appears), Anna (mentioned) | Yet another chapter that was mostly written when I was sleep deprived. It needs some serious re-writing at some point to get it readable. --In previous chapters, there was some allusion to fighting goblins. I should probably take those out now, because in this chapter it becomes clear that goblins only fight by swarming | |
Catherine wakes up and notices Alfred is missing. The robber king is summoned, and he reveals that the goblins have access to the caves at night. Bettina the raven reveals that Alfred’s father is travelling down the mountain. Catherine, Carlyle and friends find the secret goblin door, and Catherine uses her powers to open it | In the earlier chapters, I need to make it clearer that the robbers don’t sleep in the big cave. You have not acted as an enemy. But neither have you acted toward us as a friend. We will remember this. If you wish to become our friend, you must do better.”--This needs to be followed up on in future chapters Once again, I wrote this when I was sleep deprived. It will probably need to be rewritten. | ||
To do: --Door opening is explained --House is described --Carlyle is training with sword --enumerate the creatures on the mountains? --when enumerating the creatures on the mountain, I should probably go back and delete were-wolves. Or maybe just de-emphasize them. They can be confused with wolves, and besides they work best when they are associated with a person, not as a pack of creatures --Weapons in the house are described --Why is it so cumbersome to load the crossbow? --What is the deal with brian’s injury? --Where is Brian’s house. Where does the group meet? Try to map out everything. --Speaking of mapping everything out, in an early chapter I should probably give a feel for where the house is on the mountain, and indicate that there’s a lot more mountain above it --The transition of Catherine from scared little girl to confident machiavellian schemer is too abrupt. But it could be alleviated with a passage talking about how the death of Finn had hardened her, how she now cared only for revenge, etc. --I think I should delete the part in the early chapters about how the treeline was beginning to peter out by Catherine and Carlyle’s house. It’s now apparent I want this mountain to be filled with trees and vegetation --Speaking off which, in the early chapters I should somewhere explicitly state (or make a character state) that the various “woods” on the mountain are different than the great forest below the mountain. --”the group” needs better characterization. Perhaps I can think of some people I know, and use them. |
Name | Description | First appearance / Mention |
Abby | One of the group of adolescents. She is the flirty one | |
Alfred | Son of Brian, friend of Carlyle. 14 years old. | 1. Chopping Down Trees (mentioned) 2. Finn Departs (appears) |
Anna | Disappeared at 5 years old and found in the goblin caves | 15. In the Goblin Caves (mentioned) |
Baldrick | a raven. A son of Branoc | |
Balsamer | a raven. A son of Branoc | |
Bettina | a raven. daughter of Branoc | |
Blocare | one of the robbers | |
Branoc | A raven who is loyal to Catherine after she saves him. He is also head of a large family. | |
Brian | Father of Alfred. Partner of Finn. (Originally named “Arthur”, but I changed the name because I thought it was too similar to his son’s name.) | |
Carlyle | Twin sister of Carlyle | |
Cap | One of the surviving robbers who invaded Carlyle and Catherine’s house | |
Cathandres | Also known as Cathandres the strong. One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters. | |
Catherine | Twin brother of Catherine | |
Finn | Adaptive father of Catherine and Carlyle. Aging | |
Fraisale | one of the robbers | |
Gabrielle | One of the group of adolescents. She is the sassy one. (changed from “Gabriel” | |
Jack | Friend of Catherine and Carlyle. Something happened to him. | 1. Chopping Down Trees (mentioned) 15. In the Goblin Caves (appears) |
Kevin | One of the group of adolescents. He is the tough one. | 3. Catherine, Carlyle and Alfred Go Out (mentioned) 5. Catherine Asks for Help (appears) |
Lieria | Ancient kingdom, ruled by Themales | |
Lucas | One of the group of adolescents. His father is a murderer. He is a bit crazy. | 3. Catherine, Carlyle and Alfred Go Out (mentioned) |
Lucinda | One of the group of adolescents. She is the sporty one. | |
Marcus | One of the group of mountain adolescents. He is the clever one. | |
Margaret | Wife of Finn. Adaptive mother to Catherine and Carlyle | |
Menpha | Ancient kingdom. Ruled by Stetheus | |
Molly | One of the group of adolescents. She is the talkative one | |
Paul | One of the group of adolescents. He is the good looking one. (Originally named “Brian”, but once I changed Arthur to Brian, I had to change Brian to Paul) | |
Perexa | Also known as Perexa the warrior queen. One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters | |
Rasilus | Also known as Rasilus the swift. One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters | |
Scathia | Also known as Scathia the conqueror. One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters | |
Servitus | Also known as Servitus the law giver. One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters | |
Shawn | One of the group of adolescents. He is often a leader | |
Stella | One of the group of adolescents. She is the pretty one. | |
Stetheus | One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters. Ruler of the land of Menpha. Half brother to Themales | |
Themales | One of the ancient heroes killed by the monsters. Ruler of the land of Lieria. Half brother to Stetheus | |
Verus | The robber king | |
Zed | Leader of a small group of 5 robbers. He is incinerated by Catherine |
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